10 Weeks today and the anxiety is really hitting. Pregnancy after loss is so hard—even after seeing a heartbeat I still catch myself worrying about a missed miscarriage. Trying to take it day by day, but its hard to be excited when we’ve experienced disappointment int he past. How do I cope with a rainbow baby?
Mother Mable’s reply:
Pregnancy after loss can be such a complicated experience. Maxlyn Lavie Ellison, M.D., a retired psychiatrist with more than 36 years of experience, says that connecting with mothers’ or parent support groups during pregnancy can be helpful. Connecting with other parents who understand the emotions that can come with pregnancy after loss can help you feel less alone.
If you’re worried those close to you may not understand what you’re going through, journaling is an excellent strategy to help you cope through the ups and downs. If you need more support seek the support of a grief counselor. Setting rituals for yourself or your family can be a good way to honor the loss together. Perhaps there’s a nearby park or place in nature that you can visit or a place in the home you can put a plant or commemorative item.
You could also give yourself a phrase or mantra to turn to when you feel tempted to worry or dispair. “I am safe, and all is well with my baby and I.”
Grief is not a linear process, and it’s natural to feel the sadness of the loss alongside the joy of what’s to come. Child loss is one of the most difficult things one can go through. You are doing well by taking it day by day, for the miracle of life is moment to moment. Wishing you well on this journey to birth.